Processing through Lots of Random Thoughts and Feelings

I can't sleep tonight. Today has been a day full of emotions for me and I have so many thoughts and feelings that I'm still processing through. This morning I had a job interview, and although it wasn't anything major (just an introduction interview for substitute teaching) it was still kind of tough. I didn't expect to feel so nervous and self-conscious. On top of that, I never know what small thing I will see throughout my day that will remind me of someone or something in Botswana and get me all emotional and teary-eyed. Today while waiting for my interview, it was two young girls walking through the school hall, whispering and giggling, each wearing their school uniform sweatshirt. Something about that moment just made me ache for my sweet kids who I love and miss so much.

It felt so strange to be about to have an interview for a new job, kind of the first big step to starting over. Actually the feeling started last week as I began filling out job applications. It's funny because the applications ask for a job description of my previous job and only give me two lines. How can I possibly sum up my experience from the last two years in two lines? The first day I started on the applications, I ended up taking a break and making a long Skype phone call to some of the teenagers. I just needed it.

This afternoon I spent time buying things to get me settled into the room I'm staying in at a friend's house. Although mostly it is really exciting and helping me to feel settled and ready for what's next, I also have all of these other unexpected emotions. I have a bunch of little trinkets around that I bought in Africa, and it's weird looking around the room and seeing them now mixed in with the new things I bought today. My past mixed in with my future.

I found myself praying so much today for the country of Botswana and the people who live there. It's kind of like I've come full circle; this is so familiar to what I did three years ago before leaving. I was always thinking about and praying for the people there, my heart so full of love for them. I knew for certain that God was doing things there and felt humbled and excited to be able to be a small part of what He was doing. I couldn't wait to get over there! Now unbelievably, I've already been and come home. And amazingly I've been home over two months already...that's so crazy to me!

I don't really have a point to all of this, other than it was all running through my head so I decided to type it out instead. I have this weird feeling of fear that I am going to lose this love I have for Botswana, that I am going to forget, that I'll move on to something else and think back on this as "those two short years I lived in Africa." I pray that that doesn't happen. I pray that no matter where I am or what I am doing, my heart is always stirred for Botswana. I hope that I remain in prayer for the people there, people who are no longer just pictures in a book, but who have names, whose lives I was a part for a while, and who occupy such a huge piece of my heart. I hope also that I can help others to not forget about this small, sweet, beautiful country thousands of miles away that still needs our love and prayers.

Ke a go rata thata thata, Botswana.

Last Days Part 1: My Class

Here are pictures from the last week with my class:

Christmas at OIS

Last Fire by Night

Ice Cream Outing

My Surprise Going-Away Party

Final Ice Cream Outing

I wish I could put into words just how special each of these kids are to me and what a great blessing it was to teach them, but I really can't. Honestly, being their teacher, mentor, and friend was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I miss these kids like crazy, but I know that the Lord has them in the palm of His hand and will continue working in their lives. My prayer is that He will continue sending people into their lives who will love them and take time to invest in their lives emotionally and spiritually. I pray that they continue working hard in school, doing their best, and will each be academically very successful. And I pray that they all grow up to be men and women who love the Lord with all their hearts and love other people well, reflecting Christ in all that they do.

I'm so proud of these kids and I just praise God for the opportunity to have had a small role in discipling this young flock. What a blessing it truly was!

Finishing Up

Ok, I think it's time to begin winding down on this blog. I have a just a few more posts to cover my last couple of weeks in Botswana. Dragging out this update process has definitely helped me. I love going back through the pictures and remembering those last fun memories I had in the country I came to call home for two years. But I think it's time to finish it up and close the door on this season of my life. So, if you're still hanging on with me and following along, thank you! We are almost finished.

To close out this post, here are a few pictures of my pet cats I had in Botswana:

Mittens

Flash (so regal)

Princess

Flash hiding from the camera

Princess trying to block out the cold

Mittens making herself at home

Flash trying to cool off while he sleeps

These three cats provided sweet companionship and lots of laughter for Theresa and me in the house and for the teenagers while I lived at the dorm. I love the little unexpected blessings that God provides for us. :)

Cuties

Seriously, can you get much cuter than this??

I miss them.

Music Recommendations

I love music. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without it. I always appreciate getting music recommendations from others, so I thought I'd share a few of my recommendations for any of you maybe searching for something new to listen to.

About a year ago, Emily introduced me to JJ Heller's music and I fell in love with a few of her songs from her newer album, "Painted Red". I just downloaded one of her other albums, "Only Love Remains" and man, has it be ministering to me! If you like acoustic, coffee shop kind of music with lyrics that minister, check her out!

Although an oldie, Shane Barnard's album, "Rocks Won't Cry" is one of my all-time favorites. It is a sweet worship album that also has that coffee-shop feel. The rest of his music is also good, but I think this album will always be my favorite from him.

I recently discovered Meredith Andrews and have had a few of her songs from "The Invitation" on repeat lately, particularly "You're Not Alone" and "Draw Me Nearer". Amazing, amazing songs.

I also recommend Hillsong's "Faith+Hope+Love" album, Aaron Ivey's "Between the Beauty and Chaos", Andy Melvin's "The Human Engine Waits"... and for a fun time, I always recommend a little Glee music. :)

Happy listening!

"Ice, Ice Baby"

One of the last Fire by Nite youth services we had was a talent show where the kids could show off their singing and dancing skills. To kick the night off, Matt, Kelly, and I had a surprise talent of our own to show off. Decked out in our best wannabe gangster attire, we rocked the house with our amazing rendition of "Ice, Ice Baby" with Kelly and I on vocals and Matt showing off his mad dance moves. Oh how I wish you could have seen us in action! (Ok, not really...)
Regardless of our actual talent, we had a blast!

Made my day

I love that one of my students made this and emailed it to me. Gosh, I love those kids!